A Big Ben update

Well, I am sitting here in Ben's parents' living room, using Ben's laptop to type this update. Where do I start? I guess I start from the last update...

Last time I reported on Ben was to say that he wasn't having liver surgery as we had originally thought. This was an unexpected change of plan, and although at first we were uneasy about it, we maintained a positive attitude and thought, well, great, he is avoiding a big operation, that can only be good. But as more time went by and we spoke to more and more people about it, the more we came to the conclusion that not having surgery wasn't a good idea. Even Ben's oncologist suggested we get a second opinion.

So Ben went and spoke to a second liver surgeon. This guy seemed to have a much better idea of what was going on and gave me a much better vibe. (The original liver surgeon Ben saw gave me a bad vibe - he didn't seem to have all the facts of Ben's case with him when he saw Ben and didn't seem to have communicated with Ben's oncologist which did not reassure us at all.) The second surgeon fully recommended liver surgery. It's apparently a known fact that the best way to cure cancer is to operate AND have chemotherapy. Chemo alone apparently carries more risk that cancerous cells will grow back. So we went ahead and booked liver surgery for mid-April.

We were much better prepared for this surgery - I booked 2 weeks off work, and we arranged to stay with Ben's parents as they live closer to the hospital than we do (it's Basingstoke hospital). With no work, immediate family support available, and nearby babies (our delightful nieces Izzy and Liv) to keep our hearts light the scenario was much more comforting than the one we had following Ben's bowel surgery last year. (I was very stressed trying to balance work, looking after Ben and being everyone's point of contact)

We took him into hospital yesterday, and were visited by the usual rounds of staff - nurses, the anaesthetist, the consultant and registrar, a doctor, the consultant's representative, etc. The anaesthetist sat down with Ben and gave an excellent description of what would happen during surgery and how his pain would be managed. The consultant's representative also sat down and told us what the surgery would involve and what the risks were. He told us that Ben would most likely have his entire right lobe removed, as well as a wedge from the left lobe. When I asked how much of his liver that added up to, he said 60%. This came as a shock, because to date we'd only been told about the wedge, about it being a small operation, and that they 'would have a look' at the lesions on the right of his liver that had been blurry and inconclusive on the scan and decide what was required during the operation. I guess the guy was trying to paint the worst-case scenario for us, but I was really worried about the 60%, as were Ben's parents. We tried not to let our concern show for Ben's sake, but it was difficult. And I really hated leaving him there at the hospital all alone last night. I came home and lost myself in silly internetting to distract myself from getting distressed.

This morning we got a phone call from the consultant post-surgery, much earlier than we expected. He told us that it was a small operation after all - they managed to remove all the lesions from Ben's liver without taking more than 10% of it out. And he only lost a cup of blood. Given how much blood runs through the liver this was a great result. June (Ben's Mum) and I were so happy about this news that we hugged and had a little cry after the phone call. I am so happy... I know people recover from having the 60% liver resection but it was just another unexpected turn of events I wasn't prepared for.

I guess you just need to be ready for the landscape to change at any time with these things. Doctors' opinions change, further scans can change diagnoses and treatments, treatments can change based on the patient's reaction to them... you just have to be flexible and open to the best outcome, regardless of how twisty and turny the route to it can become.

I am just so happy to know my boy is ok. He is a trooper, and I am positive he will recover well from this surgery as he did the bowel operation. I get to see him tomorrow afternoon (this hospital is rather strict on visiting so I can't stay with him all day) and I can't wait.

After this, he has a 6-8 week recovery period, then 2 cycles of chemo left. Then I pray that that's it. He will need to be closely monitored - scans every 3 months for the first year post chemo at least, because he is so young and there is more time for potential regrowth. But I am confident we will see the end of it this year.

Thank you again to everyone who has emailed, texted, called, Facebooked etc. Your love and support has been invaluable and I'm sure it's had a lot to do with the great outcomes we're having. Thank you so much :) xxx

Snow, glorious snow!

By now most of you will have heard all about the snow that fell in London and beyond last weekend. It was a big deal, despite some people's denigrating comments about how we UK residents "should be used to crap weather by now". The snow was a big deal, because, well, it was snow! Not rain nor hail nor sleet, but at least 6 inches of lovely powdery white stuff that coated our world and created a playground for those of us lucky enough to skive (English word for wag) off work.

I can walk to work in 30 minutes, and I had user testing scheduled, so I had to go in. But I didn't mind - it was lovely! I trudged through the snow in my pretty wellies* (English word for gumboots), watching kids and adults alike building snowmen, having snowball fights, using their shoes as makeshift skis and generally creating powdery havoc. Lots of laughter could be heard, and people were far more inclined to smile at complete strangers. It was a weird and wonderful morning.

I took some photos on my way to work on Monday, here is a sample. I'll be putting the rest up on Smugmug soon.

*There is a huge industry over here for cute patterned wellies for us ladies.

P.S. Monday was also Ben's birthday! He turned 32.

A slight change of plan

After a great chemo-free Christmas and New Year, Ben got away for a few days snowboarding in Austria (under strict instructions to not push himself or do anything silly). The fresh air, exercise, and fun of doing one of the things he loves best did my boy the world of good and he came back smiling and with his (side-effect) acne greatly reduced.

So then Ben and I were gearing up for his liver surgery which was supposed to happen in mid-January. But at his next consultation, the liver surgeon said he wanted to do another scan, just to be sure. The scan revealed the lesions had shrunk so much due to the chemo that it just wasn't going to be worth operating. So great news is that Ben doesn't need surgery! Of course this threw us at first - being told one thing, then another under these circumstances doesn't make anything easier, but it's wonderful that he doesn't have to go through the trauma of surgery again. And it's clear that the cocktail of drugs Ben is on is working, which is also great.

So, while we still have a few questions about what it all means for future eradication of all cancer cells, we're happy, and now making social plans for the next 6 weeks!

Ben will be starting the next round of chemo next week. This will be another 3-month stint. We're better prepared this time - he's getting a 'portocath' (presumably a portable catheter) put in under the skin on his chest so the IV chemo drugs can be plugged straight into there rather than into his arm veins which have been suffering a bit.

Thanks to everyone who made enquiries after Ben's (and my) health... sorry I've not had much of an online presence lately... it was just an overhead I couldn't deal with while we sorted out what was happening with treatments, and work/leave arrangements and everything else. Needless to say your ongoing support and love is helping us along enormously, as always :)

What the 2008/9 festive season has been for me

- a Legofest - hours upon hours of making and sorting Lego both new and old with incredibly satisfying results
- subjecting our baby nieces to wearing pink reindeer headbands with bells on them
- a chemo-free Benjy!
- lots of yummy food and good wine, courtesy mainly of Ben's parents
- watching a bizarre and wonderful circus/cabaret show called La Clique (highly recommended)
- learning how to do my eye make-up a bit more daringly and creatively
- wearing my 'Burlesque' dress for the first time
- watching a woman light up a flaming g-string and nipple covers as part of the New Year countdown
- an impromptu gig by moi (see last post)
- hearing 'Chicken Payback' in a club venue and bending some funky grooves with The Turner
- scoffing all the chocolates I got given within 3 days of receiving them
- getting Volume 1 of Absolute Sandman (YAY!!!!) - thanks Benjy!
- getting the ultimate Kath & Kim DVD Boxset in a rooly nice and unusual quilted white handbag case (YAY!!!) - thanks Mum & Dad!!
- knowing with absolute certainty that 2009 is going to be an amazing year!

Happy New Year everyone! xx

A surprise gig

Merry Christmas :)

It's a bit of a tradition that Ben and I catch up for dinner with the Reading crowd sometime between Christmas and New Year. (By Reading crowd I mean people Ben went to college - aka senior high school - with.) As it happened we had a very nice dinner on Boxing Day at a place called The Jazz Cafe in Reading. The place was empty so we had the small restaurant room to ourselves. Best of all, they had a jazz pianist playing, so in effect we had our own private pianist. He was excellent, and played lots of numbers we enjoyed bopping along to in our seats. I must have bopped pretty enthusiastically, because Ebru started demanding that I get up and sing a song. To be honest, I really wanted to - it was a brilliant opportunity to sing informally in front of people I knew, so I didn't need much persuading.

I got up and sang 'All I want for Christmas is you' - the Mariah Carey version, slightly adapted for people like me whose voices don't span four octaves.

It was great, I got a huge round of applause and lots of compliments and felt really good. So good I wanted to get up and do it again. So I did. This time I sang 'Nobody does it better' (Carly Simon). I sat down again, but it wasn't long till everyone had me up singing a bunch of songs. It had been so long since I'd done that that I couldn't think of any songs to sing! I ended up doing 'Cheek to Cheek', 'Let's stay together', 'Blue Moon', 'I only want to be with you', 'These arms of mine' and probably a couple more I can't remember. A veritable set list!

It was a really wonderful experience, everyone was really pleased I'd done it and kept giving me compliments. I guess I feel a little rusty and my confidence has suffered for it but this little surprise gig has really inspired me to learn more jazz tunes and revive and revamp my songlist. I even exchanged cards with the pianist... who knows, I might even gig professionally with him one day! My dream is to have a regular gig in a jazz bar, say one night a week, so this really was a taste of a dream come true... Thanks to the powers that be!!

Me and my legwarmers

My colleague Claire finds it hilarious that I wear legwarmers when I walk to work. It's friggin' cold, that's why!!

Anyway when she saw me she started singing the theme tune from 'Fame' and demanded I do a high kick for the camera. So here it is. Effortful expression and all. Plus a close-up of said legwarmers.

Ah, I love the work wind-down to Christmas :)

Feeling royally shitful

(Warning: moan alert)
I woke up this morning with a splitting headache, stomacheache, nausea and dehydration and thought I may have food poisoning. This is on top of taking all of last week off for a throat virus, which also sapped me of my strength for half a week a fortnight ago, and for an entire weekend a fortnight before that.

I am really over being ill! Can't I have a break from it, please? :(