A holiday, a fresh perspective, and settling into life with chemo

So it's been a long while between posts. Obviously a lot has been going on. Let's go back a few months to the last update, when Ben had his bowel surgery...

Immediately following the surgery Ben made a really good recovery and was let out of hospital early, which was really heartening. Then came a really difficult couple of weeks for me where I was juggling looking after Ben, finishing off a work project from home (unfortunately it was the tail end of a project I couldn't really hand over as it was all in my head) and fielding the much appreciated but voluminous enquiries after Ben's health via email, text and phone. I have to admit I really struggled through this period and was in some despair. I felt I couldn't give Ben all my attention because of work, and so was dealing with guilt on top of everything else.

But then, finally, my project was over and it was only a few days until a holiday we'd had scheduled for Portugal. Talk about serendipitous timing! It really was an absolute blessing to have that time-out. Ben's surgeon had not only said it was ok for him to travel, but heartily recommended it, so off we went, to sunshine and fresh seafood and family and babies! James and Tracy were at the family villa with their babies as well as Ben's parents. It was simply wonderful to sit back and be looked after by someone else for a change. And Ben's parents, who'd been stuck in Portugal while Ben was in hospital, were more than happy to be looking after us. We basically did very little for 10 days, and it was completely wonderful. We played with the beautiful little girls every day, went for walks in the sunshine, swam (I did; Ben sensibly sat in the shade by the pool), ate lots of delicious meals and read loads of books. But most importantly, we didn't think about the cancer or the treatment, or anything. It was all very very therapeutic.

To be honest, Ben had gone pretty much straight from diagnosis to surgery... it all happened so quickly and was such a big shock that we hadn't really processed it. The holiday was our first chance for our brains and our emotions to catch up with everything and come to terms with it. So when we finally came back home we felt rejuvenated and relaxed and ready to deal with the next stage: chemotherapy.

We already knew it was a mild form of chemo that Ben would be receiving, so he wouldn't experience symptoms like hair loss, but it would be taking some toll on his energy and result in a few other symptoms. We had visited the oncologist and she had explained it all to us in a blur of medical jargon. We'd also learned that his liver was showing some signs of damage, but a scan and consultation later, we still couldn't be 100% sure (and neither could the experts) that it was bowel cancer that had spread, or something different entirely.

So Ben started his chemo treatment just about a month ago, with a view to doing it for 3 months, then having liver surgery, then doing another round of chemo treatment for 3 months. It hasn't been scheduled, but we imagine the liver surgery will happen in late January.

In terms of the treatment, the main drug works on a 3-week cycle, which means that every 3rd Monday Ben has to go into the oncology clinic and get an intravenous infusion. He's also started a second drug which works on a 2-week cycle. And on top of all that, he has to take a complex medley of pills a few times a day - steroids, anti-nausea pills, and others. It's not been much fun - the infusions leave his arm sore for a week, and he experiences a lot of nausea and fatigue in the first week. But in the second week this improves and by the third week he's feeling almost normal. Bizarrely, the second drug has cause his eyelashes to grow longer! Weird, but wonderful :)

After cautiously returning to work, Ben has come to a sensible working arrangement: he will be taking the main week of injections off, and then working a 4-day week in other weeks. And even better, my work has approved me taking off every 3rd Monday so I can accompany Ben to the clinic for his big injections, which has eased a lot of distress for me.

This is a difficult time for both of us, and we're still trying to work out how much we can handle, and what support structures we need in place to make our journey easier and more comfortable. I've certainly come to realise that I can't just soldier on and expect everything to be ok - we all need shoulders to cry on, and I can't keep crying on Ben's - he's got enough on his plate already! And I've realised I've really done both me and my friends a disservice by not letting them know sooner. (Most of them don't read this blog, and wouldn't have received Ben's 'you ought to know' email.) I didn't mean to go on for so long in silence... when it all went down I didn't know if I was coming or going, and then when we came back from Portugal it was all very busy with work and weddings and other things going on.

But now's the time to let them all know. I miss them and love them so much. And, let's face it, I need them right now.

More Melbourne highlights

From the cold, harsh climes of London, I can reminisce on the rest of my holiday in my home town:
- seeing Beowulf in 3D at the IMAX - woah!
- discovering I love the retro styles of Quick Brown Fox and spending lots of money there!
- Christmas with the extended family with loads of awesome presents and conversations
- Noticing how much everyone has grown or changed
- seeing some dear friends who I miss heaps
- playing with my cousins' cute spoodles (spaniel x poodle)
- meeting all the babies in my network (well, almost all of them)
- visiting fave haunts - Brunswick St., Acland St., and Smith St.
- being bought a ticket to a mystery event which turned out to be a Hari Krishna performance night. Needless to say we didn't stay long ;)
- being inspired by a new friend's art and cult collectibles
- pointing out places I'd been to for Ben everywhere we walked and describing the memories they evoked
- getting a shiatsu massage at the Japanese Bath House in Collingwood
- an intimate NYE with Gary and Barb and a few choice friends - with cocktails, boardgames and karaoke!
- drinking wine by the Yarra in Fairfield with my cousins
- eating sweet, ripe mangoes on a daily basis
- doing some bar-hopping on our last night in town and discovering some new funky bars: Horse Bazaar, The Toff, and The Workshop
- Yum Cha on our last day with my loud but lovable family :)

Needless to say it was a very special time with lots of great people and delicious food. Needless to say I don't miss the heat and I've started a health kick to recover from the excess consumption!

(photos forthcoming...)

Counting the days!

It is now 4 days till we take off for Melbourne! I can't decide what I'm looking forward to the most - spending Christmas with my clan, catching up with friends, showing Ben 'my' Melbourne, seeing the Myer Christmas windows, having a summery and BBQ-themed festive season, or eating food that's full of flavour.

I still have my head buried in this project, and won't be surfacing till the last minute on Friday. Haven't even thought about packing, but I am determined not to take much, and do lots of shopping to bring back instead - the pound to Aussie dollar exchange rate is still sweet! I also need to write a few Christmas cards for people over here (I've succumbed... the guilt is too great) before I go.

I'm very excited... I can't wait! :)

Moves, and more moves

Gee has it been that long since I wrote a blog entry? Tut, tut. I didn't mean for it to be so long between posts. But as you'll soon hear, things have been fairly demanding lately.

Firstly I finally left my beloved Stoke Newington at the end of September :( It was kind of emotional, especially as Lorraine and I had developed an attachment. But I'll be going back periodically, to collect mail, get my hair cut, and catch up with Lorraine. Ben and Jon helped me move half of my stuff (as well as some of theirs) into storage, and the other half into their place in Borough. Eleanor (Jon's gf) had moved in a few days before, so I'm sure the boys had a lot to get used to in a short space of time! Given that they'd not had a cleaner in the entire year they've been here, and aren't the cleaning types, one of the first things Eleanor and I did was to give the flat a good clean. (We're still waiting for the boys to clean the oven and the toilet, 3 weeks later). Despite that, it's been really great living under the same roof as my Benjy, and seeing him every night :) It's also been nice sharing a place with Jon and Eleanor - they're good mates and we always have great conversations.

Ben and I move into our new place in Barnsbury next weekend. I can't believe my month in Borough is almost up! We're very excited though... it's going to be so much fun to finally have our own place and furnish it and sort stuff. (I love sorting stuff, in case anyone was wondering... I've mildly considered becoming a professional 'sorter' at times). We're having our housewarming on December 1st. Invite is pending.

So, one move down, one to go. Almost. Because in the meantime, my workplace has moved too! Yes, Flow Interactive now have a new (and not fully finished) office in Clerkenwell - a much more 'happening' suburb than Highbury & Islington - not nearly so residential, and much closer to central bars, restaurants and the CBD or "City" as it's called here.

So needless to say, getting used to new routines has been the theme of the month. Add to that a crazy work schedule, travelling with the mobile lab, fitting in physio appointments and you have one tired and run-down Mimi. I developed a cold last week but it seems to be disappearing, which is good. 'Cos I sure as hell can't afford any time off work at the moment!

You'll be pleased to hear my wrist is improving... it's no longer swollen and the mobility is much greater since I started physio. I'm not very disciplined at doing my exercises, but it's getting there nevertheless. I'm even going back to football on Monday, after a too-long absence - yay! Not in goal, though.. I doubt I'll be doing that for some months. Just on the pitch, in my old defence position. Let's see if I even remember how to play! ;)

For those more spiritually inclined, I have discovered Sonia Choquette and in doing so have found the next step in my personal development. I've also started seeing a homeopath and am trying to go 'alternative' wherever I can. So, all looking good on that front.

Right now I'm just really looking forward to moving into the new place, and settling into a proper routine. Unsurprisingly, I've been feeling a bit unsettled and all over the shop lately, and I just want a bit of regularity in my life. Fortunately, it's not far away :)

One last, but important, piece of news: my dear friend Zoe and her hubby Alasdair have moved to the UK! They're living in Bishop's Stortford, halfway between London and Cambridge (where their respective jobs are based). We caught up last weekend, and it was great. It's so good to know a good friend from home is just a short train ride away...